Love Letters

To my younger self,

Let me first start by saying, I love you and the “I” is so important. You are a beautiful Black girl even if you have never heard that. I have fought to love you your entire life. Sometimes I weep for you both in joy and mourning. I have fought for you and your right to exist in a world that is committed to not seeing or hearing young Black girls. If no one else hears you I do, you are valued in this space, you are worthy of love and covered by powers beyond what you can see and that protection is what you value most.

You were born into this realm large. At almost 10 pounds your weight was felt as soon as you sprouted  from your mother's womb. A force. A force to be reckoned with. With full cheeks holding the tongues and tales of  your ancestry.  Swaddled in hope and dreams your father knew you’d fulfill. Many will tell you to play it small, to lower your voice, to be seen and not heard, to be a bystander in your own life. I will tell you to never dim your light for anyone, your spirit illuminates regardless. You take away from no one by being as big as you are. It is in the dimming where you will be your most lonely self. Stand up in who you are and do not slouch or waver. Shine baby girl, no matter who has a problem shining themselves.

Dance in every room you walk in, that is where your joy lies. Dance when you feel alone, dance when you feel stressed out, dance when you feel that the world is placed solely between your brown shoulder blades. You were born with the rhythm of tribes unknown. Your hips hold ancestral secrets that birth nations. Your rhythm is a gift that surpasses your blues. 

Though you do not fully understand, your body belongs to you and it was not your fault. The evils of this world sometimes leave you unprotected and some scars are everlasting but you will push through, though your vocal chords have been constrained by fear it is ok to tell. Your body is holy, an altar of sorts so be wise in who you allow to pray there. You will heal and move on, and be in love, and have your heart break, and recover but who you have at the end of the day is you. Life just works that way but your love is one of a kind, it is fearless and grand. Your love is everlasting, one that comes without conditions. Your love is courageous and sacred and as large as your heart. You are a spiritual being and every spirit you meet, you will carry with you but be careful of spirits you do not release.

Most importantly forgive yourself. Forgiveness is a special kind of self care. Forgiveness is the kind of love not all have. Shame is an overwhelming feeling, but you do not know what you do not know. Your follies are no different than anyone else's. Don't let shame block you from the healing that is coming. Forgiveness is powerful so start with yourself. Know that mistakes are not mistakes at all but the learning you must do to grow into the womxn that you will be. I am still fighting for you and I always will. 

Love,

Leesh